finals hiatus

finals next week, no time for posting = hiatus

thanksgiving

I am thankful for...

My SAVIOR

My loving, supportive, hard-working, husband

My mother, father, sister and brother

My grandmother and grandfather

My mother-in-law, her boyfriend, my sisters-law, my father-in-law and my grandparents-in-law

My friends from State College, from nursing school, and friends at work

My good paying, flexible, close-to-my-home, enhancing-my-education jobs

My warm, inviting, full-of-family, beutiful home

My ability to walk, run, jump, talk, scream, sing, hear, feel, smell, and taste

and soooooooooo much more
but I'm thankful for these things everyday, not just on this day of pilgram and indian celebration. So

Happy Turkey Day

holidays

I'm feeling totally bah-humbug this year. I'm not looking forward to the holidays for anything other than a few days off. I just want rest; I want complete rejuvenation over the next week and the month off for Christmas. I just need a vacation from everything.

I hate the American tradition of presents and giving. It's to much. It's just a drain on our time and money. There are thousands of impoverished people around the world in dire need of their next meal. Yesterday on the news they were talking about how empty most of the local food banks are because of the increasing number of people needing food and the decreasing number of people giving. There are many families even in our own backyard who won't have enough to feed their family over the holidays.

I think I need a total change this year. I would rather give to those who need this year and see a difference made. I want to help others instead of recieve things that I really didn't even want or need in the first place. People have been asking me what is on my list and honestly I can't think of one thing. But I can tell you what is on my heart, those who are less fortunate than me.

see the blessing

I've recently been given many opportunities to "see the blessing" in a situation that is less than satisfactory to me. How do I make myself see the positive and not immediately focus on the negative. I have a tendency to make a habit of pointing out the good in other people's circumstances but when it comes to myself my view is clouded by the bad.

God give me an attitude of gratitude because I am blessed more than I know sometimes. Thank you for the people you put in my life that show me the pros when all I can see is the cons.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Praise the Lord

So today, although it's only the first of November I already have something to be thankful for!

I called USAA (our car insurance company) to discuss the specifics of them coming to pick up my totaled car! That's right they decided fixing it was more expensive than the car's total value! Praise the Lord, Matt and I don't have to worry about fixing and selling it! They are coming today to take it off our hands and I have to say I will be so thankful to see it go!!

As many of you may know we also bought a new car this past week! It's a 2007 Nissan Versa! It's so cute but of course Matt liked it for it's price, condition, and safety rating. We spent more than half of our savings on it but we were determined to buy it the Dave Ramsey way, in cash. Well were were both excited about the new car and depending on God to hold us through any unforeseen emergencies that might require money. I will admit, I was worried about how tight we would be, but I knew God would provide.



So anyways while I was talking to the nice insurance company lady today she told the total they would be paying us for the Jetta. It was suspenseful because of course she had to "run the numbers." When she finally told me I was floored, it was almost 3 times what we were expecting!! And the amount will replace a third of what we spent on the new one! I'm just beyond amazed! Only God can provide like that!

selfish

This morning, I realized that, recently the only time I've been spending with my Savior is in selfish prayer. I've had such a hard, stressful, emotional October but I haven't gone to Him for comfort. I've been depending on the love of my husband, the support of my family, and a warm hug of a close friend. It isn't first instinct for me to go to God for the support, love, and acceptance. I only talk to him when I need something, when I know he can intervene and make everything better. I pray things like, God please allow healing and in Josh's family and give is wife a sense of peace. God please let the insurance company total my car so that Matt and I don't have to worry about fixing it and selling it. God please let me get an A on this exam even though I didn't study enough for it. God please please please let Kay Jewelers make an exception for me or let my record show an inspection within the last 6 months even though I know I haven't been there, God you can work magically and fix this. God give me strength to get out of bed and go to work/school this morning.

November and Thanksgiving are just around the corner, and I need to make a change in my relationship with God. I need to thank Him for everything I have, and get in the habit of counting and focusing on my blessings. I have so many things to be thankful for by my first instinct is to focus on the negatives. There have been so many negatives this month. Here's to positives and a positive attitude in November.

go away satan

For those of you reading this who are in the mood for an uplifting or encouraging story... stop now.
Throughout October the Bailys have been feeling satan's attacks. I feel so emotionally exhausted, just completely spent. This "season" of our life has been wearing me down day by day little by little; to the point were I wonder where the strength for tomorrow will come.
My schedule is challenging to say the least. 15 credits of nursing classes plus keeping up with the paperwork, studying and assignments take up the majority of my time. Add 36 hours of work a week and I'm down to one day off. Six days a week on average 10 hours a day of my time is spent at the hospital. Sunday is officially my only day with nothing scheduled; one glorious day of rest.
Matt works full time which usually means fitting shifts in at 16 hours at a time or picking up overnights. Paramedic school at HACC takes up the rest of his time with 8-12 hours of class a week plus 12 or more hours clinical a week. He also has only one day off, Sunday. Thankfully our days off coincide and we get a few precious hours together.
Two weekends ago my diamond fell out of my engagement ring. On no fault of their own the company told us the warranty doesn't apply because I didn't have to ring in recently to be inspected. I irresponsibly didn't read the warranty fine print that said that without regular inspection Kay will not replace the gem. I guess we wait a few years and buy a new one.
Friday night one of Matt's good friends was in a motorcycle accident. You have to know Josh to understand why many of us weren't all that shocked to hear what happened; he was a daredevil. That doesn't mean we weren't heart broken for his wife. He wasn't wearing a helmet and his injuries were so bad, he died before EMS even got there. The worst part is he was driving around to tell people that he and his wife just found out they were expecting. He was a great guy, a little rough around the edges, but he will be missed. 
Saturday night I was driving home from a long 12 hour shift at work and I hit a deer. I wasn't hurt but my car definitely was. The whole front end and everything just inside the bumper will need replaced. The insurance company is coming by Thursday, God willing it should be completely covered.
Needless to say I woke up this morning feeling down in the dumps. I didn't even think I had enough energy to get out if bed. I feel so overwhelmed. All i can focus on is a line in a song we sang yesterday "If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? Then what could stand against?" Thank you God Almighty for being in control of the unknown in my life; lead me on. 

last weekend

last weekend was both wonderful and horrible.

horrible because the diamond fell out of my engagement ring and the jeweler won't replace it. apparently it has to be inspected every 6 months for their insurance policy to apply. wish i had known that.

wonderful because my beautiful roommate Breanne celebrated her bridal shower and bachlorette party. november 13th she will be married and i so happy for her.

secrets

I recently got an email entitled "10 Secrets of a Successful Marriage" and I immediatly wondered why they called them secerts. I wish these "secrets" that seem like common sense to me were applied to more marriages. Maybe the divorce rate in the US wouldn't be >50%.



My favorite "secret" was this: "Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remember that they married an imperfect person - and so did their spouse." I think I liked this one so much because recently Matt and I have been discussing some things that we could easily hold against one another. And it has been a battle in the mind, at least for me. Its sad that Satan can so easily make my mind wander and cause me assume the worst of Matt. Why isn't it easier to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust his heart?



A simple, yet surprisingly difficult, principle to follow at least over the first 15 months of my marriage. I have to consciously make an effort to trust him.

emergency room

Today was 12 hours spent in the emergency room's psych patient monitoring room. I am half thankful because it allowed me 12, mostly uninterrupted hours to study for my pediatrics exam on Wednesday. However I am also half sad because of what I saw today. Obviously I can't disclose any identifying patient information but I don't think describing the type of patients does any harm.

A 55 year old women brought herself in after feeling very depressed over the past month or so. She said it culminated in a fight she had with her husband over the past few days, and afterwards she was left with ideas of suicide. She was very hard to read, her face seemed blank. She stared at the walls and said only a hand full of words to me over the intercom system. She didn't ask to call her family members, and no one showed up to support her. She left with EMS and went alone to an inpatient psych hospital that was better equipped to treat her. She looked like a worn out rag, overused and abused.

A 18 year old young man was brought in by his parents. They claimed that when he gets angry he becomes uncontrollable. A recent fit, started by his broken down car, became so out of control that he threatened both his parents saying he was on the brink of a "murdurous rampage." He has had anger problems since 2007 when his parents split and ultimately divorced. Adding on top of that he just graduated from high school and didn't pass the necessary entrance exams for the NAVY. Disappointment was written on his face.

A 15 year old girl came in with her mother claiming that she felt worthless and that "no one would miss her." She was dumped by her boyfriend of 1 month in July and since she had tried several times to kill herself. She jumped into traffic, took pills, and tried to suffocate herself. She came in dressed in a completely inapproprate outfit and her mother just rolled her eyes at most everything she said. I think she was just looking for attention in all the wrong places.

I sat there and watched them, as an employee of the hospital, to keep them safe. However I left feeling guilty because I know all they need is a savior to show them they're unique, loved, and designed for a purpose. Sometimes I feel like they do, lost and alone in this harsh cold world. I long for deeper relationships and meaning in my life, but I know I have the unconditional love of a savior to fall back on. There is a God who loves me so much that he can catch me when I feel desperate and remind me that I was put here on this earth for a purpose. My purpose is to tell them what I know and how they can receive such JOY. I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have God on my side.

Their life is too short to not tell them of the Joy I find in Jesus.

transitions

It's already the last day of September, unbelievable.

On Tuesday during a bible study I recently joined, we discussed our "season" of life. I consider myself in the season of transitions. I recently transitioned from being a child to an adult. I have transitioned from being under my parent’s roof to independent at college. More recently I have transitioned from single to married. I will soon transition from being a student to being a full time employee.

All this change in my life reminds me how short my time on earth really is.

James 4:14 “You are a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes.”

So what will I do with this life? What will be my purpose?

God’s purpose for my life is to glorify Him.

Isaiah 43:7 “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory…”

I wholeheartedly want to adopt this purpose in all areas of my life. Hearing this charge has reminded me that putting God on the back burner isn’t an option. He should be a part of my environment, my relationships, my job, my schoolwork, my marriage, everything. But I have been lazy; I don’t make Him a priority or a focus of my life. I am lukewarm. I get caught up in things like fitting in, or doing well in school, or pleasing my husband. Why is it so easy to lost focus. It is so much easier to be of the world than be of God in the world.

Ghandi once said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

I want to be more like Christ.

ps. I change the name of this blog to reflect my new focus :)

why not

Because I have an exam on Thursday, I'm procrastinating.

I'm procrastinating by starting a blog because it seems to be the new cool thing to do. After reading a certain mrs. baker's recent post I was inspired to start this journey myself. I want to take time out of my overbooked schedule to put to paper all the thoughts stored up in my overflowing brain.

So you may say: Why now? I will respond: Why not? I'm in my super senior year of nursing school, my last year of working as a "pre-nurse" and into my second year of marriage. Lots of major transitions are about to happen in my life. Hopefully putting it to pen will allow me to take the time later, reread my words, and see from a new perspective how I got to where I am. Time is flying by so quickly that I won't remember what it was like during this phase of my life unless I really take the time to grow through recording.

Recently as a church body, we have been reading and rereading the book of proverbs. Today's chapter, because they usually coincide with the day of the month was proverbs 27. Having read this chapter many times in the past months I assumed I wouldn't gain any new information by reading it yet again. But as usual, God surprised me and I was struck by a verse I didn't really acknowledge previously. "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person." Proverbs 27:19 How does my heart reflect me? We must be honest with ourselves, what is the true reflection of our hearts. What we experience on the outside is a direct reflection of the inside. So what are your actions portraying about your heart?

I ask myself this and I immediately wonder what my coworkers, classmates, family and husband see inside me everyday. I want my reflection to be a glowing sign of Christ in me. I don't think that it is right now, so I have room to grow. But I know that is the direction I want to steer my life, and I have the commitment to continue towards the goal.

(mostly Heidi)