emergency room

Today was 12 hours spent in the emergency room's psych patient monitoring room. I am half thankful because it allowed me 12, mostly uninterrupted hours to study for my pediatrics exam on Wednesday. However I am also half sad because of what I saw today. Obviously I can't disclose any identifying patient information but I don't think describing the type of patients does any harm.

A 55 year old women brought herself in after feeling very depressed over the past month or so. She said it culminated in a fight she had with her husband over the past few days, and afterwards she was left with ideas of suicide. She was very hard to read, her face seemed blank. She stared at the walls and said only a hand full of words to me over the intercom system. She didn't ask to call her family members, and no one showed up to support her. She left with EMS and went alone to an inpatient psych hospital that was better equipped to treat her. She looked like a worn out rag, overused and abused.

A 18 year old young man was brought in by his parents. They claimed that when he gets angry he becomes uncontrollable. A recent fit, started by his broken down car, became so out of control that he threatened both his parents saying he was on the brink of a "murdurous rampage." He has had anger problems since 2007 when his parents split and ultimately divorced. Adding on top of that he just graduated from high school and didn't pass the necessary entrance exams for the NAVY. Disappointment was written on his face.

A 15 year old girl came in with her mother claiming that she felt worthless and that "no one would miss her." She was dumped by her boyfriend of 1 month in July and since she had tried several times to kill herself. She jumped into traffic, took pills, and tried to suffocate herself. She came in dressed in a completely inapproprate outfit and her mother just rolled her eyes at most everything she said. I think she was just looking for attention in all the wrong places.

I sat there and watched them, as an employee of the hospital, to keep them safe. However I left feeling guilty because I know all they need is a savior to show them they're unique, loved, and designed for a purpose. Sometimes I feel like they do, lost and alone in this harsh cold world. I long for deeper relationships and meaning in my life, but I know I have the unconditional love of a savior to fall back on. There is a God who loves me so much that he can catch me when I feel desperate and remind me that I was put here on this earth for a purpose. My purpose is to tell them what I know and how they can receive such JOY. I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have God on my side.

Their life is too short to not tell them of the Joy I find in Jesus.